at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
