I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
