If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
