hotel room ftw
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
