funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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