mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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