Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
