if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
