I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
