well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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