the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize