The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize