Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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