xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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