you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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