I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
