my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
