i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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