Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
