Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
