i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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