lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
