Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
