I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
