And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize