No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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