is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize