You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize