it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
