mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
