i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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