I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
