my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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