my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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