Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
