Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How does one acquire holy water?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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