She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Drunk is a universal language darling
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize