During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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