It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
