Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
