tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize