If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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