Moan for me like Helen Keller
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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