If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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