bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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