i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
