it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
