im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
