He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
