You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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