remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize