hotel room ftw
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
from now on my penis is your penis
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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