smell my finger.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
