So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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