My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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