# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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