OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
