We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
