I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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