dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
