none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize