If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
being pregnant is like rehab
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
